HOW SOCIAL MEDIA IS A TOXIC MIRROR 

1. We've long understood that movies, magazines and television damage teens' body  image by enforcing a 'thin ideal'. Lesser known is the impact of social media on  body confidence. With the rapid ageing down of smartphone ownership, most  parents spend 'digital parenting' time on character coaching, making sure their kids  think before they post comments and refrain from cyberbullying. For at least a  5 decade, educators like me have argued that social media's biggest threat was its  likeness to a bathroom wall, letting teens sling insults with the recklessness that  comes only with anonymity.
2. Not any more. Social media has also become a toxic mirror.
3. Earlier this year, psychologists found robust cross-cultural evidence linking social  10 media use to body image concerns, dieting, body surveillance, a drive for thinness  and self-objectification in adolescents. Note: that doesn't mean social media cause the problems, but that there's a strong association between them.
4. Visual platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat deliver the tools that allow  teens to earn approval for their appearance and compare themselves to others.  15  The most vulnerable users, researchers say, are the ones who spend most of their  time posting, commenting on and comparing themselves to photos. One study found that female college students who did this on Facebook were more likely to  link their self-worth to their looks. Interestingly, while girls report more body image  disturbance and disordered eating than boys, studies have shown that members of  20 both genders can be equally damaged by social media. 
5. And thanks to an array of free applications, selfie-holics now have the power to  alter images of their bodies in pictures in a way that's practically on par with  applying make-up and other beauty products. If the Internet has been called a great  democratiser, perhaps what social media have done is let anyone enter the beauty  25 pageant. Teens can cover up pimples, whiten teeth and even airbrush with the  swipe of a finger, curating their own image to become prettier, thinner and hotter. 
6. All this provides an illusion of control: if I spend more time on and really work at  improving myself, I can be beautiful. 'I don't get to choose how I'm going to leave  my apartment today,' one young woman told me. 'If I could, my body would look  30 different. But I can choose which picture makes my arms look thinner.'
7. But invariably, the line between a 'like' and feeling valued becomes blurred. 'I think  it affects teens subconsciously, just seeing how many 'likes' they get and how much  attention they get just for how they look,' one 16-year-old told me. 

8. What teens share online is dwarfed by what they consume. Pre-Internet, you had to  35 hoof it to the grocery store to find a magazine with celebrity bodies – or at least  filch* your mother's copy from the bathroom. Now the pictures are as endless as  they are available. Teens can spend hours fixating on the toned arms or glutes* of  celebrities, who hawk their bodies as much as their talent. 

9. The meteoric rise of the 'wellness' industry online has launched an entire industry  40 of fitness celebrities on social media. Millions of followers embrace their regimens  for diet and exercise, but, increasingly, the drive for 'wellness' and 'clean eating'  has become stealthy cover for more dieting and deprivation. This year, an  analysis of 50 so-called 'fitspiration' websites revealed messaging that was  indistinguishable, at times, from pro-anorexia (pro-ana) or 'thinspiration' websites.  45 Both contained strong language inducing guilt about weight or the body, and  promoted dieting, restraint and fat and weight stigmatisation. Writing in Vice,  24-year-old Ruby Tandoh recounted how a focus on 'healthy' and 'clean' eating and  'lifestyle' enabled her to hide her increasingly disordered eating and deflect  concerned peers. 'I had found wellness,' she wrote. 'I was not well.' 50 

10. Many teens are media-literate about movies and magazines: they take in digitally  altered images with a critical eye. Less clear is how social media-literate they are.  The older adolescents I work with often shrug off conversations about the perils of  social media with a 'duh' or 'I know that already'. That doesn't mean they're not  listening, or feeling worried that their bodies don't measure up. (Besides, this  55 population is hardly famous for gushing gratitude for parental advice.) 

11. So what can parents do? Ask teens their opinion of the ways people modify their  own appearance online: Why do people do it? What do they gain, and from whom?  Sometimes just naming a feeling as normal can make a young adult feel less  alone. It never hurts to tell teens that they matter more than their looks. As they  60 peer into the mirror on the screen, a good old-fashioned 'I love you exactly as you  are' may be more timely than ever. 

    [Adapted from www.time.com] 

HOW TO GIVE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM 

Assertive communication and constructive criticism are important tools in building an  empowered team. Laura Kennedy from Wellness says that when communicating with  co-workers, clear communication faciltates understanding and solution finding. 
Assertive communication is not about dominating a situation, but rather allowing for  collaboration between employees. Open dialogue must be created so that all employees  can participate. Businesses that do not encourage assertive communication often follow  a hierarchical system which limits their growth. Everyone should be encouraged to  brainstorm to find solutions. Constructive criticism guides people rather than breaking  them down. It creates a platform where all possible solutions can be considered.  Kennedy says it's more accurate to think of it as effective feedback. Constructive  criticism allows for career development.  
Kennedy says it is better to communicate with someone on a personal level first. E-mails  do not have the benefit of tone and body language to guide the conversation. Without  these non-verbal clues there is more chance you will be misunderstood and even run the  risk of the conversation being perceived as a personal attack. To avoid one-sided  dominance, go into each communication with an understanding of your goal and an open  mind about how to get there. This includes understanding the context in which the  communication occurs. 
During the conversation be decisive rather than uncertain. If you think and talk about  yourself positively it creates an impression of credibility. 
When starting a conversation be careful of being accusatory. You need to talk about the  behaviour that is problematic, not the person. This requires you to get into a meeting with  all the facts. There is a debate over whether or not to include emotion when addressing  an issue. Kennedy says it's impossible to leave it out, as emotion drives most decisions.  Afterwards, draw up clear points about what was discussed and what is expected. This  clarifies understanding and minimises confusion. 
Clear communication paths reduce frustration, allow teams to work more effectively to  reach their goals and allow for higher engagement. Conflict is reduced when there is a  focus on facts. 

[Adapted from Succeed, October 2013]

Did you ever want to learn karate so badly it hurt? So you nagged and  nagged and nagged till your folks finally gave in. They bought you all  the kit, found a class and paid for six months of lessons, non-refundable. So you started karate. And it was awesome. For the first three lessons. Then the novelty wore off. So you told your folks that you really really more than anything in the whole wide world wanted to learn to play the  guitar. Whilst other dads would have relented and bought you the guitar,  your dad was our kind of guy. He made you go back to that karate class  every week, kicking and screaming, till you finished all six months of  lessons. And so you learnt to respect your dad for teaching you staying  power, commitment and persistence. And he learnt to respect you. He  had to, you became a third dan. For more information call 0860 000 654  or your financial adviser, or visit www.allangray.co.za 

ALLAN GRAY 
LONG-TERM INVESTING

BREAK TIME – BUT IS IT REALLY A HOLIDAY? 

1. This has felt like a very long year. I am satisfied with the old-fashioned nine to  five weekday. But I need a break!
2. The challenge is that whenever I take a break from the saltmines, I return exhausted. Holidays, that highlight of the year, is not for the faint of heart.  Rushing around airports, clutching heavily packed tourist schedules.   5 Well-meaning people have often advised me: 'You know what you need to  do? Stay home!'
3. This is even less relaxing. You either get cabin fever or one sees something  that needs fixing. I enjoy a visit to Builders' Warehouse as much as the next  guy (I know they don't use an apostrophe, like I do, but they really should.)   10 It's just not a break.
4. Relaxing is the absence of a large amount of activities. Yet we are  predisposed to believe that our answer should always be, 'I have such a  demanding schedule!' Stop. Just stop. It's called a vacation because you need  to vacate stuff and relax. Don't feel the need to do every single touristy thing   15  on offer. Recharge your batteries, don't delete them even further. 

 [Adapted from Longevity, October 2015]